Practical Disciple reader, Laurie, commented on my last post and raised some common issues regarding what happens when we get rid of an old behavior. Old behaviors and patterns that draw us away from God often fill gaps in our lives. They are comfortable to us even if they are not mentally, emotionally or spiritually healthy.
As a result, often times people trade bad habits. They will get rid of smoking for instance and take up over eating. They will stop being a workaholic at work and become an exercise-aholic at home. It’s really important as we try to live “out” of a habit to live “into” some thing that is Godly.
Laurie raised the concern of getting rid of old behavior and being left with a hole in its place. We do not need to be passive in filling that hole. In the recovery ministry I was involved with in Hot Springs, Arkansas, we encouraged people as they moved forward to seek to be in service. There is something incredibly healing and helpful in turning our mind away from our own concern to the needs of others. This is particularly helpful when we are helping someone who is struggling with a struggle we have experienced.
Sometimes helping another person is as simple as sharing your story in order to give someone hope. This past, Sunday in worship I shared a struggled I had with whether or not to stay in ministry about 4 years ago. I shared some of the sense of wondering if what I was doing was worth while or not. I shared the darkness of that period and spoke about how God responded when I cried out.
Sharing my struggle and God’s response drew numerous comments because I think that many of us bear similar burdens and wounds. Also, two distinct types of healing often begin for the listener when we are open with our own struggle:
The first healing is of isolation. Shame and fear often cause people to become more and more isolated in their sin. We often times feel extremely alone in our struggles, until another person is willing to be real about their own pain and then we find a silent solidarity in knowing someone out there is like us.
The second healing that begins is of despair. When we hear that someone else has been where we are and made it through to a better place we are given the gift of hope. Often times we feel powerless in our struggles. We can despair in our sense of powerlessness. Ironically, it is coming to that place of feeling powerless where God then begins to work.
So, what does all of this mean? Early on just worry about getting spiritually well. Getting away from an old pattern may take all of your effort. Then as you begin to grow away from something sinful, learn to help others by sharing your story. Share how God helped. Share how God delivered. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to be authentic. People will find themselves in your story. When they do they will stop feeling alone and hope will be kindled.
Lastly, share your story when you feel led to. You never know how God will use your experience to touch someone else. Sunday, I entered the pulpit with a very different message, but God had other plans. I don’t always listen. This past week though I was too sick and tired to get in God’s way with my bright ideas. I surrendered mostly out of a lack of energy to resist. Those seem to be the times when God most powerfully moves. So when you feel a nudge to share–just trust, speak, and let go. I am rather confident that you won’t find yourself staring at a hole. Peace from the Practical Disciple
p.s. Thanks Laurie for being real with your struggle here at the PD. See–you are already doing it!
Ephesians 4:28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
You said, “we encouraged people as they moved forward to seek to be in service.” I was reminded of the Ephesians verse above when I read your thoughts on being in service. It amazes me how spot on the advice in the Bible really is. I am dumbfounded when people say it is outdated. In the above verse, God obviously understands the holes left from moving away from bad habits and addictions. Funny, even in the midst of the addiction, the hole is there anyway. It is a really big hole to fill. Quicksand-ish.
In my case the isolation is compartmentalized. I am in 12 step CR class which is gradually getting my sin out there and I have a dear friend that has had a complete tour of my closet but my spouse has no idea. I don’t share the struggle with him simply because he would be hurt. Much of the foundation that set my behaviors into place stemmed from my relationship with him. I don’t want to hurt him. Ironic. Crazy. So I share with my friend, and let some leak out anonymously here. I don’t live in Ark but have been to Eureka Springs.
I am in the place of feeling powerless. I feel like my marital relationship will never be what I want and so my addictions won’t ever change. I can’t see accepting that my marriage can stay the same and yet my addictions be healed. They seem welded together and I despair. It seems that I can’t move forward in either case.
I am not sure what you mean about getting spiritually well. How does that go? When would you be deemed well?
With me, I don’t know if I am where I am because God knew I would persevere or if I am here as a natural consequence of my own choices. The latter is inarguable but I can see the first as well. In marrying like I did, I wed an atheist who is now a believer. I can see God thinking any struggle I might have, would be worth it. But I also am in a place where I satisfy my yearning for emotional intimacy through a keyboard and cable instead of with my spouse. I hate my struggle. It is very heavy but one of those things I pack first in my handbag. If I could only get Jesus to answer his email I would be much better.
When I clicked onto this post and saw my name, I got a chill and got that adrenaline rush in my body. I just saw my name and didn’t know what you were going to say about me. You were trustworthy so that is good. Thanks for that. Putting yourself out there is risky.
I get the impression that others comment on your post. Where are their comments? I am going to listen to your message from Sunday to see what God had in store for you. If you want to know more about me you can email me. I’ll fill you in. You’re not Jesus, but I hear you know him pretty well and know more about what he’s up to than most people including me.
Grace and Peace.
(We all need some don’t we?)