A member of my church recently sent an email that contained the following quote in it:
“This soul weariness shines through a few lines of sarcasm one minister wrote in his journal: “If I wanted to drive a manager up the wall, I would make him responsible for the success of an organization and give him no authority. I would provide him with unclear goals, not commonly agreed upon by the organization. I would ask him to provide a service of an ill-defined nature, apply a body of knowledge having few absolutes, and staff his organization with only volunteers. I would expect him to work ten to twelve hours per day and have his work evaluated by a committee of 300 to 500 amateurs. I would call him a minister and make him accountable to God.” (H. B. London, Jr. and Neil B. Wiseman, Pastors at Risk, p. 54)”
The email also mentioned that this isn’t the whole story of being a pastor but it’s definitely part of it. The subject line simply said, “Have you prayed for your pastor?” Praying for your pastor is a spiritual course of action that can make a difference in not just the life of a person but a body of believers. I have been in ministry now for a little over fifteen years. It’s not forever, but it’s long enough to have experienced not just moments but lengthy periods of feeling what the pastor in the quote so aptly expresses. I want to share with you, part of what I shared with the dear church member who sent me this.
Several years ago, I nearly left ministry because the weight of all of those things expressed in the quote was all too real to me. I had no grand theophany (appearance of God) that kept me going. At least not in any old testament, fire, smoke and wind sort of way. I slowly turned to a small group of people who met me with grace. I worked as diligently as a wounded human can work at what I call my core four: eating, sleeping, staying connected to people, and stayiing at least moderately physically active.
I also started having a sabbath of sorts on Monday’s, off in the woods with just me and God. During those Sabbath’s I always included two prayers. I prayed that God would help me to be a blessing to others with the blessings I had received. I also prayed that my being and my doing would be integrated and as that came together I prayed I would be more Christ-like. You see part of the pain I was feeling was trying to fit numerous peoples’ expectations of what a pastor ought to be and do, that didn’t necessarily fit with whom God made me to be. I was living outside of myself in too many ways. To add to the pain, day after day an emotional gun would be cocked and placed to my head. The cock of the trigger sounded something like this, “We can’t afford to loose one more person.” “If they do this, then I will leave” “If they do that, then I won’t give.” “You need to bring in more members are we’re going to die.” Every day was life-depleting.
Over time healing occurred. I know God sent angels my way. Some brought me to lunch and said, “Don’t quit.” Others, asked me how I was doing and meant it as more than a social nicety. They listened when I began to tell them. Probably the most important silent saints of all were the ones upholding me in prayer and I didn’t know it.
The sentiment of the pastor in the quote above is epidemic. I know so many pastors who are weary. I count myself very blessed that God helped me through that time back to a place of ministry. I am glad that the healing came before I felt it was time to move on. If it hadn’t, then I may have been running away thinking that geography could fix the pain. That would have been a lie. I was blessed though to find healing right where I was. As a result, I could move on when my work was truly done. I am blessed to have been where I have been and I am blessed to be where I am now. Most of all I am blessed when people pray for me.
If you are not praying for your pastor, do so. Those prayers make a sustaining difference. Those prayers uphold and build the kingdom of God. Those are no small prayers. If you are a pastor, do not grow weary of the good that you do. If you are weary, then get help. Turn to God. Turn to brothers and sisters in Christ, whom you can trust. Get people praying for you. Take a Sabbath and lean on the Lord for He is with you.
Blessing to You from The Practical Disciple
Incredible and honest post John. While I am not in the ministry, I have been in a similar place where I was feeling I was trying to fit numerous peoples’ expectations of what I ought to be and do, that didn’t necessarily fit with whom God made me to be. I also had a TON of responsibility and zero authority. I know your pain there. I didn’t hang in there like you. I left.
I think your elders should protect you from some of the examples you sighted above.
I admire you for letting people know the world of ministry from your perspective. People will not understand the journey of a pastor unless they tell them. People will not know how to pray for pastors unless the pastor tells them. How can I pray for you?