Last night at our church’s family night supper I shared thoughts on the process of repentance that may be helpful to you. I find these particularly helpful for addressing those sinful tendencies that I refer to as back burner sins. I call them that because I find that I have certain things that I know are wrong, but yet they seem to never go away. It’s like I put them on a back burner and leave them simmering on low. That’s fine until something happens and it starts boiling over and then I am trying to frantically address it.
So here are the repentance thoughts. Oh, one more thing first–I am sharing this now because historically Advent has been a season of repentance and preparation. We could all benefit from more actively picking back up these themes in our life.
The first thing to realize about repentance is that it is a process of activities that ultimately results in changed behavior or we really don’t have repentance. So what is the first step?
1) Recognize
We have to recognize that something is wrong, and I mean morally wrong. Not just dysfunctional or inappropriate. We need to own that it is morally wrong. You can pray for God to reveal to you sin, but I will warn you, if you do and God answers, it can be very tought to handle.
2) Confess and Ask Forgiveness
This is just what it sounds like. We say, “God I have sinned. I did ….x, y and z… and I know that it is wrong. Please forgive me.
3) Feel Remorse
Some times intellectually we know that something is wrong but emotionally and spiritually we do not feel the wrongness of it. Typically, when occurs, we acknowledge sin verbally and ask forgiveness, but continuously fall back into the same practice. That’s because our heart isn’t fully where our head is. I know two things that help me when this gap exists:
- Reflecting on the damage done by sin. How does your sin effect you, your relationship with others, and your relationship with God? Stop to consider that ultimately the consequence of sin is the cross. If there were no sin, there would be no need for the cross. To me it is a very sobering thought to realize the costliness of the grace that I daily rejoice in.
- If I am consciously aware that I intellectually know something is wrong, but really do not feel any sense of sorrow for it, then I ask God to soften my heart. I pray something to the effect of: “God, I know this is wrong and I also know that I am lacking any remorse. I am sadden that I lack any sorrow for what I have done and ask you to please soften my heart, that I might fully grasp the wrongness of my actions. May this remorse help me resist sinning again.”
4) Change Behavior
Have you ever had someone apologize to you, and yet turn right back around and hurt you all over again? It hurts. I suspect that repeatedly committing the same sin over and over again is equally damaging to our relationship with God. If you keep repeating the same sin consider these five questions:
- Do you have a plan for how you will live differently? I realized a couple of years ago that I was taking time in worship each Sunday to confess things to God, but walking away with no plan whatsoever to prevent me from sinning again and again. So, do you have plan?
- Do you set yourself up to fail? For example, if you struggle with abusing your body by over eating, then may be you ought to weed out going to places with buffets or purchasing lots of easily accessible junk food.
- Do you have in mind some thing spiritual healthy as a replacement for your sin? In recovery ministry, I frequently saw people hang up one addiction only to take on another. They would stop drinking, and then take up over-eating, gambling or have an affair. What can you place in your life that is a Godly alternative?
- Do you have support? When I desperately fought with depression, I could not have made it through without the love and gracious support of other struggling folks. Even if you are dealing with something that you cannot yet admit to someone else, call some one you trust and ask for their prayers. Just be honest with them and say, “I am really struggling right now and I need you praying for me. I need you to pray for God to help me make some tough changes. I can’t do this on my own, but I am not comfortable with sharing what is wrong yet.”
- Do you ask God for help? When you confess something do you also confess to God your need for help if you are going to change?
I have found in my own life that when I can’t seem to escape a sin, more times than not, I am failing to address one of these steps. Blessings to you as you seek tough changes.
Wow, you hit on a topic I’ve struggled with. It seems like everything is sinful in some way. I have recently started the 12 step class with celebrate recovery to help me move past what I feel powerless over. My problem is not wanting to give up the behaviors that God would frown on but provide a sense of relief for me. In Gerald May’s book “Grace and Addiction”, he says that when people move past one addiction, instead of filling that place with another one (like you talked about) we need to fill that place with God. I believe he is right, but it’s such an abstract idea that the immediate need calling yearns for an immediate answer so on and on it goes. I am also scared to move into the time when I have given up my behaviors and there is nothing to take its place. What if God wants me to suffer a long time before I get divine relief? What if God leaves that empty place empty? As dysfunctional and sinful as I am now, at least I know what to expect. I hate to depend on God for this and find out he’s left me high and dry. I don’t want to work that one out in my mind. What would that mean? It might be a time of testing but what is the difference in being tested and being left?