Still Moments

As I write this it’s 1:30 a.m. Everyone is in their beds and I am laying on the couch in the dark with my laptop blogging. The only sound is a rhythmic thrumming of ceiling fan above me. It’s very still and peaceful. Earlier tonight I found stillness by wandering. A bit ironic.
 
I was in a foul mood mostly due to exhaustion. It was a hard week. I started the week by driving to Houston. That’s about a 5 1/2 hour drive from where I live. I spent Monday there at the hospital while our youth director was having surgery which went awesomely well. I left Houston much later than I hoped. 11:30 p.m., with an hour and a half of driving left to do, suddenly I found myself pulling the car over so I could evacuate both the car and my stomach. It was less than fun. To add to the enjoyment of it, I then got questioned by a Texas cop while I sat in my car along a desolate highway recuperating trying to figure out if I was capable of driving home. I decided I was. The rest of the trip was excruciating long but uneventful if you ignore the fact that at one point I pulled over because I started to black out. I don’t know what was up with that, probably dehydration and a spike of fever. Most of the night I slept on the floor, too miserable to try to move to something else. The crazy thing is…that was the good part of my week. In terms of circumstances it just went downhill from the with the brakes disabled. I am not going to bore you with details.
 
The truly good part of the week was when I finally had enough of life slapping the crud out of me and I contacted roughly 15 people to be praying for me and a stressful situation I was trying to manage while sick. I saw God work in such amazing ways. Two people emailed me notes that where absolutely the most perfect words for the moment. They were what a friend of mine calls God-winks. Also, God transformed a very difficult conflict into a beautiful solution. That was amazing. It had to be God. It certainly wasn’t people because they weren’t exactly behaving in godly ways. Nevertheless, God prevailed.
 
All of that said, I was just so dead dog tired I could not really see or feel the joy in it, so I went for a long drive into the countryside this evening. I still wasn’t seeing it. I took my son for a drive after a football game. We had an amazing moment of watching four deer in a neighborhood browsing the lawn. But you know what…I was still detached from the moment, to sadly wrapped up in my less than joyous thoughts.
 
It wasn’t until now after everyone is in bed and I read a readers comment that I could finally find a modicum of stillness in the week. A new reader wrote…

“gratitude regardless of circumstance” … Something I am so glad that I can practice (and must not forget to practice), in light of our current circumstances. People of faith live focused on God’s power, mercy, blessings and grace. People of fear live focused on the circumstances.
Thank you for your site. Just stumbled upon it — will be gladly returning.
-Dan

I don’t know who you are Dan other than a reader whose comments were a calling to me. Thank you and God bless.
 
I just want to close with this..Stillness and the peaceful joy in the middle of it called God is some times elusive even when we are in moments of great beauty or outer stillness. Nevertheless, God seek us out and finds us there. That to me is one of the most amazing and beautiful truths of God’s nature. God is persistent, patient, and present.
 
Praise be to God.